The Bullrider

Through the cage bars he could just make it out.  Snorting, groaning, and just plain mad.  The massive creature bucked and kicked, struggling to free itself.  

“Damn” he thought, “I cant believe I’m dumb enough to actually ride these things.”

Suddenly, the angry eye of the bull met his through the cage, and he could feel the anger and strength in its body.  But he didn’t have more than a few seconds to contemplate it.  He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Bill’s gruff voice broke through the commotion.  

“You ready son?” he asked

Dustin hesitated a moment.  This was no time to turn back.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess” he gasped

Bill could read his fear, but he did not acknowledge it.  He knew all to well what Dustin was feeling; he had been in this same place thirty years ago.

“Just remember to keep your heard on and hold tight.  As soon as they open that gate this thing’s gonna throw you around like a Barbie, and thats no time to lose your wits.” He stopped to yell orders to the handlers.

“And whatever you do, don’t goddamn fall off! It’s only eight seconds!”

With that the pep talk was over and it was time to get to business.

The crowd was going wild as the announcer started his introduction

“Ladies and Gentlemen, our net rider is Dustin Thomas of College Station, Texas.  This is his first year here in Ellensburg, so lets make him feel welcome!”

The crowd cheered, but he could not hear them over the sound of his own heart.

“Now I tell you Frank, this guy is about as tough as they come,” the announced exclaimed.

“Thats right Joe, he’s been riding these things since before he could probably walk! Wonder whats going through his head right now as he’s gettin himself strapped in?”

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing, except the monster he was strapping himself to.  By now, he was already settling on it’s back, trying to stay upright as the others helped him on.  For the first time he could feel the full force of its strength as it heaved beneath him.  

“Starlight,” he whispered, “Hell of a nice name for such a pissed off bull.” He tossed his head back with a nervous laugh.

“Hey, you’d be pretty pissed off too if we pulled a strap around your balls kid,” Tom said, attempting to ease his nervousness.  

Adjusting the straps around his hands tightly, he looked out at the stands.

“She’s out there, somewhere,” he thought

The announcer’s voice boomed.

“Dustin is going to be riding a bull named Starlight, and I tell ya’ thats gotta be the meanest damn animal I have ever seen.  I hate that thing Frank, I really do.”

With that, Dustin threw a glance to Tom.  After a nervous thumbs up, he offered a nod, to which Dustin replied with a tip of his hat.  With a metallic clink, the gate was flung open.

Suddenly, the full fury of the animal was upon him as he felt it erupt beneath him.  The arena became a massive, jolting blur, as he held for dear life.  Buck after buck, time seemed to slow.  Feeling himself sliding to the right, he grasped his straps and pulled with all his strength to attempt to right himself.  Sensing Dustin shifting on his back, the massive animal kicked with a renewed fury.  Suddenly, the bull was nearly on its hind legs, kicking and writhing with every fiber of its being.  Dustin felt his grip loosen and his thighs lose their grasp around the animal’s sides.  Before he could realize it, the Bull gave out one last kick, and he felt his feet leave the fleshy flanks.  The world briefly inverted then went black with a dirty opacity.  The soft stadium dirt cushioned him, but he was instantly aware of a shooting pain in his leg.  He could hear the collective sigh of relief from the audience as he rolled himself painfully to his back.  Through the haze, he could hear the announced screaming.

“That bull just jumped the fence and made out towards the parking lot! I cant believe this! Ladies and Gentlemen, please, stay seated! Our ropers are some of the finest, they’ll nab him!”

Dustin couldn't help but grin weakly.  By now he could see Tom and the medics looking down at him.

“You’ll be all right son,” Tom reassured him.  “Starlight just took you for one hell of a ride.”

“My leg.” Dustin moaned.

“We got you, just don’t move,” the medic said.

As he lay there wincing, he remembered- the clock.  In all the commotion, he had completely forgotten to watch for his time.  He slowly raised himself up on his elbows and squinted at the timer over the bullpen.  A painful smile formed at the corners of his mouth

“Eight seconds,” he whispered.   

Copyright Chris Pattillo September 2011

The Importance of Skepticism

Nota Bene: This piece is meant in no way to reflect badly on religion or those who are religious themselves.  It is simply meant to reflect my musings on the concept of skepticism, in this case applied to my personal journey in regards to religion.

Skepticism is defined as "an attitude of doubt or a disposition to incredulity either in general or toward a particular object."  But what is skepticism to the common person? How does this way of thinking affect us in our daily lives, and how can we apply it to ourselves in a constructive way?


To be skeptical is to be human, that is, to be human is to doubt things.  Topics that garner skepticism vary from science to religion.  Many think of skepticism as an almost negative state of mind- and those seen as skeptics of established norms are often looked at as outsiders (even heretics, historically).  


But what does the journey to skepticism entail? Well, most of the times it begins with a simple question: Is my belief true? The first seeds of doubt usually plant themselves as questions of legitimacy.  For me, this became a key question in my understanding of religion.  For years I had simply accepted the legitimacy of my deep set religious beliefs, as they were around me constantly- in school, at home, and in literature. But as I began to analyze these views for myself, the whispering voice of skepticism hummed in the back of my mind.  I was forced to face the reality that I may not have been truly as convinced as I believed.  Initially, this was somewhat frightening.  Tearing away one's deep set belief system is never easy, and the gradual departure from my religious views took time.  Before long, my skepticism was full fledged, and I found myself unable to continue with the belief.


As a person of science, I find that skepticism is essential to the scientific mindset.  Whenever something is presented as fact, I find myself usually with a few nagging questions.  This is good for anyone however-  to doubt is to engage in the process of seeking the truth.  If something is legitimately and unarguably true, you shouldn't doubt it.  Conversely, this does not necessarily mean that if  you doubt something it is wrong- it just means that you are engaging in the process of proving it to yourself.  Along the course of the way, you may even find that a deep set belief is no longer supported enough to be believed in any longer.


Does this mean that everything should constantly be questioned? Well, it is  important to note that some things should almost be allowed to remain mysterious.  Take love, for example.  If you love somebody, and you are sure they love you back, it is unhealthy to remain doubtful throughout the relationship.  If you wake every morning finding yourself needing more and more proof that she loves you, you will soon cause a deep rift in the romance.  Unless there is real reason to believe the person's love is waning, accept it whole-heartedly.  


So, what is the point of all this? Well, ultimately, as I have said above, the goal is the attainment of truth. One should constantly be seeking truth and reality, in order to clearly see the and live in a real world.  It may be difficult at first, but the finality will be even more rewarding.

The Scientific Mindset

What is science?  Scientists and non-scientists alike find themselves asking this question constantly.  As a scientist in training, I often find myself pondering the significance of my work.  Yet every time I enter the lab, I am astounded and humbled by the natural universe around me.  Even in the most seemingly mundane of tasks,  I feel as though I am coming a little closer to shedding light on the mysteries of the universe.  This may or may not be true, but the scientific spirit is something that I find driving me daily to continue to push the limits of my own personal understanding.  Jill Tarter once told me that "The best thing about life as a scientist is that you never  get to stop asking 'why?'"  It is this curiosity that has led mankind to reach from the deepest depths of the ocean to the farthest threshold of the solar system.  This innate sense of exploration and wonder has led all of us to question our place in the universe, and to ponder the possibility of others scattered throughout the vast cosmos in which we feel so isolated.  Whether or not my scientific endeavors will lead me to stars (I can only hope that they will), I feel a sense of satisfaction and excitement at being granted the opportunity to at least help in the search for answers.  And no matter what the challenge, no matter what the task, I know that ultimately the answer is somewhere out there.  It may be lead to even more questions.  But it could also lead to a wondrous conclusion and sense of awe never before imagined.  Fear not, the quest for truth is ongoing- we will likely never find all the answers.  But who truly seeks such a finale? Without curiosity and a lack of knowledge to motivate, there would be no more adventure.  And the adventure...well, the adventure is just beginning.

A Lover's Goodbye

He sat on the platform, the rain pouring down the brim of his hat.  He came here often when he needed to be alone, basking in the loneliness and solitude.   The flowing water filled in the little cracks and crevasses in the pavement, overflowing and spilling over onto the tracks.  In the distance a bell was heard tinkling its way down the track, reminiscent of some lost tune.  He thought of nothing, and yet he thought of everything.  He thought of her.  He drifted off into a long lost sea of memories.  Yet the man realized that she would soon be gone from his life forever, and that he could never get her back.


She sat in the station, staring out the window and gazing at the rain dripping down the arches.  Her rosy cheeks and her wavy hair carried an air of sadness.  She was lost in her thoughts.  Where was he now? The girl tried to cast out her memory of the night before; to forget the pain in her heart.  But she could not drop the images surfacing in her mind.  The words they had said.  The way the firelight flickered across the room.   The soft sighs each gave as the words were said.  The memory of lost love is the most difficult to shed.


It didn't end in hate.  It ended in love, and this can be the most painful of all.


The bell rang, miraculously able to wake her from her thoughts.  She gathered her things and slipped through the arch to the platform.


Yes, he saw her.  Her glowing visage brought light to his view, yet he knew he could say nothing.  This was best, it was the only way.  Her name, almost subconsciously leapt to his throat and perched itself on his tongue, but he stopped it before it fluttered out.  He watched her as she climbed aboard, her absence replaced by the dull monotony of the cloudiness.  She had not seen him.  He watched as the train lumbered slowly down the track.  His eyes followed it down, down, down until it vanished.  He stayed there the rest of the day, as the rain spilled over the tracks.

A Universe of Potential

On friday March 6th, a NASA astrobiologist announced that he had found evidence for the existence of extraterrestrial life in the form of fossilized bacteria which he claims to have found in a rare class of meteorites.
 Now, as a person of science, I am really skeptical.  Let me rephrase that: I am very skeptical.  Such things have been claimed before by many scientists in the past, so naturally I would like to see this scrutinized heavily.  Fortunately, I don't have to wait.  Dr. Richard Hoover's paper in "The Journal of Cosmology" is up for grabs for over 5000 scientists to pick apart.  But what will such a thorough investigation bring? Only time will tell.
Now, as for the implications of such a discovery being indeed validated; well, that is a little easier to predict.  Succinctly stated, it would change everything.  And as SETI researcher Jill Tarter stated in her 2009 TED talk, it would "change everything all at once." Such a discovery no doubt would have staggering implications in all aspects of the human experience, from politics to religion.  It would ultimately end the nagging question we have all asked: Are we alone? For if simple bacteria can exist in the vast reaches of space, it is completely reasonable that they could develop into intelligent species.  It would show that life is by no means a rarity in the universe, and that we are in fact one among many, floating in a cosmic ocean teeming with diverse and vivid life.
On a deeper level, it would bring comfort and solace to everyone here on earth.  No longer would we look up at the stars with a sense of loneliness.  Instead, we would be able to recognize that as a species we are one possibility in a universe of potential.  It would give us a connection to the universe which we would never before have known.  Suddenly, earth would no longer seem as small.
But it is still too early to know what the outcome will be.  It may turn out that this is just another false alarm, and that startling discoveries of this kind are still waiting to be found.  I do not know what the outcome will be, but I do know that the implications of such a find are truly humbling.